Tales
of a Solo Mum following her heart.
October 2012
Part 1 .
Twirling, dancing, laughing and singing with my son, lost in
rapture at the joy I can feel cursing through my body through to the very
deepest part of my core, so wrapped up in the moment I forget where I am. Lost
in the essence of my true being without thought or judgment, enjoying the
shrieks of innocence and laughter coming from my sons mouth, just being
completely in this moment and it is in the blink of an eye that the green
fields in the distance catch my eye and I am whirled back to consciousness and
realise, I am not in Sydney anymore.
My heart has been pulled to a land not too far away. The land
of the Gods they call it. It is not one thing that gives Bali this title, it is
the mix of ritual, the fragrance in the air, the colour that fills every space,
the warmth of the people, the visual variety of the landscapes that changes around
nearly every corner, it is the mix of these truths in Bali that make it
magical.
My heart has yearned to be in such a place on a daily basis,
to feel at home amongst the chaos and find peace and stillness. When I come to
Bali, I’m coming home.
Here in Bali I have found my mix of spirituality, food that
nurtures me, people that see me, play with me, expect nothing from me, colour,
design that pleases my eye, architecture that entices me, ordinary people doing
extraordinary things and pockets of opportunity that nurture the entrepreneur
that resides within me and is a constant partner in my daily life.
Here there is opportunity for me. To be who I am and to
explore those parts of me that that don't get love and attention in the rat
race back in Sydney where life pulls me in 100 different directions. You know
the story, busy, working mother, juggling career, school drop offs, pick ups,
weekend sports, creativity, responsibility, friends, finances, don't even get
me started on dating and the single men situation in Sydney.
So, for me, the next 3 months are to explore me, heal all the
wounds that have been pushed way down deep for another time when I have more
time to deal with them and to take care of myself first. My only role on this
journey in this time is to trust my own instincts, to listen to what I need and
to honour myself in the process without judgement of what I am doing, from
myself or anyone else. To hear the echoing sound of my ego and to know that
that is not who I am but to listen closer to the sound of my own soul that
bubbles closely beyond in the well of who I am.
To take care of my son in a soft nurturing way away from the
harshness of an ego run society and a community so disconnected that they have
lost sight of what really counts and what is really important in life. Drop him
into the nurturing goodness of creativity, self-expression, awareness and
exploring. Allow him time to be, without rushing him off from place to place,
introduce him to himself from a different perspective and to offer him a way to
connect to himself, to offer him a new way to connect with his world, his emotions,
his thoughts, with a new understanding of what he is perceiving and what he is
experiencing in life.
As I am sitting here, on the balcony of my little Joglo in
Ubud I look up and catch again the glimpse of green that softens my heart, the
sound of chickens and dogs in the background, zali writing his daily thoughts
into his journal on the steps below and I feel content, I know that for now,
this is exactly where I am meant to be.
Stay tuned for part 2 .